3 Word Wednesday -
abandon, gradual, precise - the words are in there somewhere :)
I find myself in a daily cycle of shit. It doesn't necessarily have a particular pattern to identify itself to me as shit, I just know that it is...shit.
Was it a gradual decline into shit and therefore nothingness? No. I don't do things slowly, (I want to write LOL then realise that, bloody hell woman, I used to write with an ink pen and LOL was NOT in the vocabulary back then) in fact I never did anything in a rush. I did ( and still do ) tend to slowly glide like a duckling on ice towards my end game.
I had such grandiose plans, such designs for living ergo LIFE. I still do actually. I see myself on that stage collecting my award, smiling like a muppet on prozac and thanking my English teacher for inspiring me. At what stage did I abandon such grandiose plans? I didn't really. I still see myself smiling oh so smugly at the cheerleader, the sportsman, the popular ones and thanking all those who contributed to my 'greatness'.
The precise moment of my awakening was the sudden realisation that I may never write an award winning film, a gut wrenching poem, paint soul defining moments. But I will always be a mother. My greatest achievement. There was a smile, a 'munt' we called it, the daughter and I. We both do it, no one else has that ability but she 'munted' at me and I 'munted' back. I know, that 150 years from now, there will be a little girl with sticky out ears 'munting' at her mother. I did that! That is my mark on life, the world, the universe. The 'Munt' is a sticky out chin and a cross eyed look that only a mother could love.
